And I say, “Oh that I had wings like a dove! I would fly away and be at rest;
yes, I would wander far away; I would lodge in the wilderness;
I would hurry to find a shelter from the raging wind and tempest.”
– Psalm 55:6-8
On Monday, June 8th, 2015, I stuffed Sofia (my Corolla) to the seams and hit the road. I was returning to my hometown of Knoxville after what has begun to feel like a seven-year exile. There are so many things (mostly deeply-loved people… and cornfields… and 1418 Coffeehouse) that I will miss about Texas; but everything in my being clamors that this is Home, and it is time to be here. It is probably confirmation that I’ve been in Knoxville for about three days, and all the health problems I’d been dealing with for over a year are just gone. I’ve gained about 15 pounds since January, and this is a good thing. For a while there, the numbers on the scale and the clothing tags were an obsession. Then the year of misadventure carried with it so much stress that losing weight was just a natural consequence. It felt amazing to reach a goal I had previously thought impossible… and then to go beyond it. But that’s when the health problems set in. I felt weak constantly and couldn’t run the way I used to. The bizarre symptoms of Raynaud’s Phenomenon had flared up: blanch-white fingertips when I was cold and under stress. This is one of the main reasons I knew that Tennessee soil would be good for me. It was time for a transplant.
I’m beginning to think that both our physical bodies and our souls crave what we need in order to be healthy and whole.
It feels like the earth is breathing restfully – resting in its quiet splendor and embracing me in rest too.
This week I keep finding myself standing in my parents’ driveway, surrounded by giant, gentle trees; and it feels like the earth is breathing restfully – resting in its quiet splendor and embracing me in rest too.
I’m looking forward to learning what “true healthy” feels like. Pretty soon I will be strong enough to conquer the hills in my parents’ neighborhood (if I can adjust to the elevation!) and hike the Chimneys. I’m surrounded by this great green earth and happy chirping birds and sparkling stars and fireflies and loved ones I’ve missed for years. This is the place where I first was found by the Divine – found by the Beauty I’d been chasing. I used to lie for hours under the stars in the backyard, whispering wonder to the glory twinkling through the pinholes of winter sky. Thankfulness swells within me to this One who, it seems, has moved heaven and earth to bring me back.